Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Seeking Authenticity

“I may want in the future more… via webcam sharing, maybe a phone call on occasion… but this will be worked out as we explore and grow. But for it to be good and real for me…I will want to share with you in more ways than just email and IM. I make no commitment or promises at this time with regards to a real life meeting, but we will discuss it just as we would anything new and adventurous for us.

I desire that while you are committed to me you will understand that I do not want you playing in a D/s way with others online or real life without my knowledge and permission. That said, I will give that permission easily and do want you to explore and share with others and then let me know how any time went. I like you naughty and kinky… I want you to be so as often as in as many ways as you can. I may even order you to share with others in this online environment and will expect you to represent me well. I want you to also understand clearly upfront that I will continue play with others and share online as I have always done. If I do take any other sub on in a more committed way while with you I would communicate and discuss that with you and would only do so if I was confident it would not effect our relationship in a negative way both in terms of time and my ability to provide you and myself with what we need.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, day seven I responded to paragraphs thirteen and fourteen of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to be naked and hard the entire time I was writing. I removed all my clothing and caressed and rubbed my cock until I was completely hard before beginning. Throughout the assignment, I stopped and stroked myself at times when I felt my erection softening. I managed without any difficulty to maintain an erection throughout. I have actually forgotten exactly when I last had an orgasm but know I am feeling very sexually aroused as a result of forgoing sexual gratification for such a long while. As a result it was not at all difficult to sustain an erection and I enjoyed the opportunity to stroke my cock for you. It is very meaningful to be submissively whenever you require me to be naked for you.

I think you are saying that you want our relationship to be real and to become more multi-dimensional over time as we experience growth and share new things. While there are of course inherent limitations in sharing from a distance, clearly things like webcam and phone sharing can add dimension to it that could not be achieved simply through email and chat. I understand that your permission will be required for me to engage in play with anyone else either online or in real life. The requirement isn’t intended to limit my experiences but simply to acknowledge you and your dominance. You expect me to be as creative as possible in expressing both my submission and my sexuality. You want me to understand that you are not offering an exclusive arrangement and may choose to accept the submission of others besides just mine.

I think you have expressed these expectations to communicate to me that you desire authenticity in this relationship and in what we share together. You wish it to be real and not simply some sort of role-play. Moving beyond just email and chat is a necessary step in making it real and authentic for us both. I believe you have simply been honest and upfront about your intentions by putting me on notice that you may accept the submission of others and play with others besides me alone. I feel you have made me aware of that to save the possibility of future misunderstandings and hurt feelings on my part. I will not be allowed to play with others without your express permission or direction because that is simply the reality of my role as the submissive partner in this type of relationship and must be always mindful of my place in relation to you role.

I am willing to explore this in the multi-dimensional ways you suggested. The first time we talked by phone did not at all seem awkward to me but I do recall you expressing that it didn’t seem exactly satisfactory to you so perhaps there was something about my manner that wasn’t exactly appropriate and I need to work on. As far as webcam sharing, I admit I find that more intimidating but again am willing to explore it and do see that as an appropriate part of this experience. I am accepting of the fact that you may and likely will choose to play and have relationships with others and I do honestly feel this is the right of the dominant. Generally speaking I have not much been given to feelings of jealousy in relationships so I don’t feel this will be problematic for me. I too want this to be real and authentic and all of your expectations do seem to further those ideals.

To accomplish your expectations as shared in the paragraphs considered today, I will be willing to accommodate the added means of sharing with you. I have tested my webcam which is an old one from several computers ago and found it is not reliable and doesn’t work satisfactorily. So I will also begin immediately looking for one that will work properly and accomplish your intent.

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