Saturday, May 24, 2008

Feelings and Focus

“I desire you when reporting to share the actions of what you have done for me, with me, but also thoughts and feelings… again… more is always better. I want you not to censor yourself just on the assumption I don’t want to know something. If you feel it, think it… whatever… share with me.

I want an active and appropriate attempt on your part to make contact with me when you are able. If I am on and you are on the Academy or IM you will provide me the courtesy of making contact. I don't want to chase you. And on that same train of thought, if I am not on and you are thinking of me, or have a thought to share or something you have done I like emails and such to show me what you are thinking and when. There is no minimum or maximum I am expecting, but for this to be a worthy thing for me I need contact.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the third day I focused on paragraphs five and six of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to give myself 10 smacks on various parts of my body at a different place each time for each 100 words I wrote. I stopped each time after having written 100 words and administered the smacks. In total I wrote 579 words and so was required to give myself 10 smacks on five separate occasions, on five different parts of my body while writing this response. The first 10 I administered to my left ass cheek, the second 10 to my right inner thigh, the third set of 10 to my cock and balls, the fourth set to my upper back and the final 10 smacks were administered to the back of my left leg. A wooden spoon was the implement used. While painful I found the experience both erotic and meaningful as I accepted the pain for you.

What I take from what you communicated in the first paragraph is that while of course you want to know about the mechanics of my performance on assignments we share, what you are vitally interested is the feelings and the meanings that the experiences provoke for me. I think what you mean in the second paragraph is that you want to feel that I desire you, that our relationship is important enough to me that I don’t just tell you, but show you in tangible ways that you are an important part of my life and that I value my relationship with you in real ways.

I think you are interested in my feelings and in what I find meaningful because it helps you to know me; to understand my needs, wants and desires and to understand me both as a person and as a submissive man. Many times you have shared with me in the past that you find the greatest meaning in sharing things with others when you come to see that they found the experiences meaningful. With regards to the communication points, I think you require this because you wish to feel and you wish to know I feel, that our relationship is a real, breathing evolving thing and not just some pointless online role playing activity. Showing rather than simply telling you that I value you and what you bring to a relationship helps to underscore that I value the relationship and find meaning in it.

To accomplish the first part, I need to be open with you and express not just the mechanics but the feelings I experience as we share together. With respect to communication I need to be committed to accomplishing those things you have told me you would find meaningful like offering the simple courtesy of contacting you whenever I notice you are signed on at the Academy or on IM and to send emails at those times when we can’t chat online but when I am thinking of you or thinking about something that bears on our partnership or the dynamics of the relationship we share.

I find the expectations you have shared to be reasonable and things I can and am most willing to commit myself to doing. Certainly I see this relationship as a two way street and that I have the responsibility to give to you in like kind, the same meaningful experiences that you offer me and contribute to our relationship.

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