Communication is Key

“Communication is the key... and in all ways I demand that of you the most.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the final day of this eight day assignment, I reflected on the fifteenth and final paragraph you shared with your Wants and Desires. While writing my thoughts and response I chose as the encouragement to give myself 10 smacks on different parts of my body for each 100 words written, stopping each time I reached 100 words and administering the smacks. My response required 352 words so I stopped three times while writing. The first time I administered 10 smacks to my cock and balls. The second time I administered 10 smacks to my ass, five to each cheek. The third and final time I administered 10 smacks to my inner thighs, five to the left and five to the right. The words where I stopped to administer the smacks are in red. Accepting pain for you is submissively and erotically significant for me. It makes me feel my submission and enhances my feelings of the sexual. My cock was made hard by completing this encouragement and I felt aroused.

You consider communication the most important aspect of this and by inference, I think what you mean is not just communication, but open, honest and ongoing exchanges of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Only by communicating in this way will it be useful and effective to achieving our shared goals.

I think you have expressed this because it is important. Communication and relationships are inseparably connected. You can't have a relationship with someone without communicating with them. What we say and do, and how we say and do it, directly shapes how people experience us. In fact, many times, the opinions people form about us are based on the way we communicate.

I am in agreement with your expectations for the establishment and maintenance of effective communications. Communication is the key to having a functional relationship. Because our ideas and interests are transmitted to other people through the way we communicate, we're more apt to get our needs met if we are effective communicators. The problem is that often we think we're communicating one thing but are actually communicating something quite different, or we're communicating so poorly that the other person doesn’t quite understand what is we're trying to say. So of course, effective communication is required not just communication per se.

To accomplish your expectations with regard to effective communication, I will do my best to avoid ineffective communication. I will be direct and to-the-point, leaving no doubt as to my meaning or purpose. I will be assertive in the sense of not being afraid to state what it is I want and why. I will keep my communication with you congenial, affable and friendly. I will try to keep any underlying issues clear. I will be open and harbor no intentionally hidden messages or meaning. I will verbalize my thoughts and feelings since words are used to clearly express ideas. I will practice balance communication, devoting equal amounts of time to listening and talking. I will be responsive and give attention to your needs and perspective as you communicate with me. I will communicate honestly my true feelings, thoughts, and needs.

Seeking Authenticity

“I may want in the future more… via webcam sharing, maybe a phone call on occasion… but this will be worked out as we explore and grow. But for it to be good and real for me…I will want to share with you in more ways than just email and IM. I make no commitment or promises at this time with regards to a real life meeting, but we will discuss it just as we would anything new and adventurous for us.

I desire that while you are committed to me you will understand that I do not want you playing in a D/s way with others online or real life without my knowledge and permission. That said, I will give that permission easily and do want you to explore and share with others and then let me know how any time went. I like you naughty and kinky… I want you to be so as often as in as many ways as you can. I may even order you to share with others in this online environment and will expect you to represent me well. I want you to also understand clearly upfront that I will continue play with others and share online as I have always done. If I do take any other sub on in a more committed way while with you I would communicate and discuss that with you and would only do so if I was confident it would not effect our relationship in a negative way both in terms of time and my ability to provide you and myself with what we need.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, day seven I responded to paragraphs thirteen and fourteen of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to be naked and hard the entire time I was writing. I removed all my clothing and caressed and rubbed my cock until I was completely hard before beginning. Throughout the assignment, I stopped and stroked myself at times when I felt my erection softening. I managed without any difficulty to maintain an erection throughout. I have actually forgotten exactly when I last had an orgasm but know I am feeling very sexually aroused as a result of forgoing sexual gratification for such a long while. As a result it was not at all difficult to sustain an erection and I enjoyed the opportunity to stroke my cock for you. It is very meaningful to be submissively whenever you require me to be naked for you.

I think you are saying that you want our relationship to be real and to become more multi-dimensional over time as we experience growth and share new things. While there are of course inherent limitations in sharing from a distance, clearly things like webcam and phone sharing can add dimension to it that could not be achieved simply through email and chat. I understand that your permission will be required for me to engage in play with anyone else either online or in real life. The requirement isn’t intended to limit my experiences but simply to acknowledge you and your dominance. You expect me to be as creative as possible in expressing both my submission and my sexuality. You want me to understand that you are not offering an exclusive arrangement and may choose to accept the submission of others besides just mine.

I think you have expressed these expectations to communicate to me that you desire authenticity in this relationship and in what we share together. You wish it to be real and not simply some sort of role-play. Moving beyond just email and chat is a necessary step in making it real and authentic for us both. I believe you have simply been honest and upfront about your intentions by putting me on notice that you may accept the submission of others and play with others besides me alone. I feel you have made me aware of that to save the possibility of future misunderstandings and hurt feelings on my part. I will not be allowed to play with others without your express permission or direction because that is simply the reality of my role as the submissive partner in this type of relationship and must be always mindful of my place in relation to you role.

I am willing to explore this in the multi-dimensional ways you suggested. The first time we talked by phone did not at all seem awkward to me but I do recall you expressing that it didn’t seem exactly satisfactory to you so perhaps there was something about my manner that wasn’t exactly appropriate and I need to work on. As far as webcam sharing, I admit I find that more intimidating but again am willing to explore it and do see that as an appropriate part of this experience. I am accepting of the fact that you may and likely will choose to play and have relationships with others and I do honestly feel this is the right of the dominant. Generally speaking I have not much been given to feelings of jealousy in relationships so I don’t feel this will be problematic for me. I too want this to be real and authentic and all of your expectations do seem to further those ideals.

To accomplish your expectations as shared in the paragraphs considered today, I will be willing to accommodate the added means of sharing with you. I have tested my webcam which is an old one from several computers ago and found it is not reliable and doesn’t work satisfactorily. So I will also begin immediately looking for one that will work properly and accomplish your intent.

Trust and Transparency

“I desire your trust, which I understand is not an automatic, but I believe with us both being open and honest with each other and if a commitment is made you will trust me as I will trust you.

I want you to understand that there is no time limit of this. Every day is a new day, and like with any relationship if one of us is unhappy then we will talk and work out that issue or part company as friends.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the sixth day I focused on paragraphs eleven and twelve of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to have my plug in my ass the entire time I was writing. I particularly enjoy this encouragement because the feeling of fullness in my ass is pleasurable of course but the activity also very meaningful produces feelings of submission for me.

What I take from what you communicated in the first paragraph is simply that you understand trust is essential to our relationship as it is with all relationships and therefore you expect it. But as you also noted, trust is not automatic but is built and developed over time as we gain experience with each other. I think what you mean in the second paragraph is that you expect me to understand that this relationship, like all relationships is a living thing and a process. While we cannot predict the ultimate outcome, we will learn in time whether we are suited for this partnership as long as we both are committed to the process and to open and honest communication. Should we learn over time that we are not suited for sharing on this level, we still can enjoy the relationship as friends with mutual respect and affection which has already developed between us.

I think you expect trust because obviously trust enables relationships to develop and flourish. When trust erodes, the relationship deteriorates. Doubts, which can creep into our thinking about the behavior of the other person, can act like a poison and a cancer, quickly spreading to sabotage the relationship. Mistrust has a devastating impact on relationships and on the types and quality of the communication that will occur. Typically we tend to associate trust with sincerity, the genuineness of someone in their engagement with us. Reliability is a crucial facet of trust. Time and standards are two critical elements of reliability; examples of this are turning up to meetings at the agreed time, and completing agreed to tasks on time to a satisfactory standard. This is how trust is built and nurtured over time. With regard to the second paragraph under consideration today, I think you included to this as a reminder to me that since a relationship is a process, I do have real responsibilities for nurturing and nourishing the relationship just as you do. I have to be willing to do my own part through honestly and openly communicating with you sharing my wants, my fears, my feelings and my life. Only in this way can we truly learn and experience the possibilities and the potential.

To accomplish these things, I need to be open with you and need model transparency to the greatest extent possible by expressing my wants, fears, feelings and by sharing with you my life, beyond simply the lifestyle activities we share. I need to be willing to be vulnerable and to trust you and to never take your trust for granted, but by my actions demonstrate to you that I am worthy of your trust, as you give it to me in measure. I need to learn by experience to trust your judgment and to be willing to allow you to push and expand my limits so that I might experience growth.

I find myself very much in agreement with the expectations you have expressed in these paragraphs. Trust building indeed is an important and vital element to the potential success of this relationship as is my willingness to demonstrate an attitude of transparency through open and honest communication with you.

Showing Respect and Deference

“I want you to include me as a part of your blog as a place to put your thoughts and feelings, your actions and ‘tasks’ that are given outside the Academy, perhaps a separate section or something aside from your excellent essays. A daily (or as is appropriate) journal of what we share I will expect photos as are appropriate to chronicle activities and others that may be desirable to me of you posted there. I expect you to take on this without my direct instruction, but rather, you’re sharing the knowledge and experience with the understanding that I will be reading daily and you want to please me.

While we have a style of communicating that is fun and light, I do desire your respect and a level of submission that allows us both to maintain the relationship in the appropriate way as submissive and dominant. As we have shared previously in chat is what I like and that is fine. Although there may be times when I demand more should some situation require it. That said… if you feel some time you need me to be more 'Mistressy' communicate that. I tend to like people and just talking/chatting (as you have I am sure noticed) and just as you have to get into a sub place of mind, I sometimes have to get into a Dom place of mind.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

Today for the fifth day of this assignment I contemplated paragraphs nine and ten of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose again the edges encouragement while writing my response. Before beginning, I rubbed and stroked my cock until I was completely erect and then continued to stroke until I achieved an edge. I then kept track of the number of words as I wrote my response to the paragraphs for today and stopped after every 200 words to stroke until I had offered another edge. The total word count was just over 700 words which required me to offer a total of four edges, counting the initial edge before starting to write. The requirement for the edges kept me in a state of high sexual arousal throughout the assignment and my cock remained fully erect the entire time. The activity was very meaningful for me as it enhances my feelings of submission when I am required to masturbate at edge at your command.

In the first paragraph I considered today, I think you were simply communicating to me that you expect me to provide an online journal or sorts in which I document in writing and appropriate pictorial representation our shared experiences. As we discussed and agreed, this journal will be in the form of this new blog that I have created in lieu of using my existing Her Property blog.

The second paragraph I think simply communicates your expectations concerning appropriate interaction when we visit and discuss things either via chat, email or phone. While you recognize that I do have a playful attitude and you seem okay with that, you do not want me to forget my responsibilities to always treat you with the respect and deference you are due given the difference in our roles.

I think you purpose for requiring the online journal is for several reasons. First, it provides you with an easily assessable record of our shared experiences which will help you to understand what works well and what perhaps doesn’t work as well for one or both of us. Also it will provide you with further insight into my feelings, needs and wants as I openly communicate them in that forum. Finally, it is a tangible way in which I can please you by being obedient to perform a specific activity on a routine and regular basis for your benefit.

With respect to your requirement that I treat you with respect and deference, I think you require that because it is very necessary to the growth and sustainment of this type of relationship and it is helpful it keeping me mindful of my submissive role and my position with respect to your role as dominant.

To accomplish your objectives as expressed in these two paragraphs, I have already created this new blog to serve as our chronological record of experiences about the things we share in this relationship. I will endeavor to post to this blog regularly including posts that I write of my own volition to share my thoughts and feelings, rather than simply waiting for you to always direct me to write and share something. Also, I will be ever mindful of my role as a submissive and will treat you with the proper courtesy, respect and deference that you deserve.

I am in full and complete agreement with the expectations you shared in the two paragraphs under consideration today. I do expect this new blog to be very helpful and instructive for me as my existing blog has taken on something of a different character from that which I originally intended. It serves now more as simply a vehicle where I discuss various aspects of dominance and submission which I learn about and contemplate and then write about in hopes of helping to enlighten others about the lifestyle. This new blog will be more of the personal experience journal or diary that I had originally contemplated. Also, I do agree that while there will be times when we will communicate simply as friends who enjoy one another’s company, I should at all time be mindful of my role and appropriately respectful of your dominance. That is something that I think is a necessary part of me having a meaningful submissive experience within the context of a D/s relationship.

Behaving Responsibly

“I want you to tell me if you want something. I don’t consider this topping. I like to know what you desire, what you want. Obviously there is a difference between expressing your desires and begging… and while I may or may not give it to you, allow you to, right that moment all things you think of… I want you to express in someway all you do desire, fantasize about or think would be interesting to try. Whether that means a weekly/daily list of naughty ideas or some other way I want this from you… on an ongoing basis. It turns me on to have you turned on and sharing those ideas is necessary.

I require you to fulfill your commitments to me timely and should there be some real life issue that prevents that for you, I expect you to fully communicate that issue and find a resolution as is practical.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, day four I responded to paragraphs seven and eight of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to be naked and hard the entire time I was writing. Actually I was feeling very aroused and horny today since it has been a good long time since I have been allowed to orgasm. It took only a few moments of stimulation to make my cock completely hard. As I focused on the writing I had to stop from time to time and stroke my cock whenever my erection began to subside but I did accomplish maintaining my erection until completing the response for today.

In the first paragraph I believe you were communicating a couple of things. First, that you are interested in hearing my expectations and about the activities I want to share with you. No one is a mind reader of course so unless I am willing to be open with you and share the things I find meaningful and arousing you have no way of knowing how to most effectively dominate me. Secondly, I feel you were telling me that while it is acceptable to communicate my desires and self perceived needs to you, you may not always agree to address them immediately or at all and should you decide not to offer something I ask for, you expect me to accept your decision without whining or begging.

Your second paragraph I think is simply a reminder to me that you expect me to behave responsibly. You expect me to complete all assignments in a timely manner and by established due dates unless there is a reasonable circumstance that prevents me from doing so. In those instances you expect me to communicate any circumstances to you as soon as I become aware of them which might prevent me from completing an assignment on time.

To communicate my needs and wants, I think the suggestion you offered about providing periodic lists of naughty thoughts and ideas I have would be one good way of accomplishing that. Also, sharing with you my fantasies I think would be a good way of providing you the insight you are asking for into what types of things appeal to me and produce sexual arousal or meaningful feelings of submission. As far as the responsibility issue, I will commit myself to the timely performance of your assignments or should anything come up to prevent me from completing something on time, I will communicate the circumstances to you in advance of established due dates.

Again today, I find the expectations you expressed in these two paragraphs to be very reasonable and I also agree they are needful if we are to find meaning in sharing together. I will endeavor to meet these expectations to the best of my abilities.

Feelings and Focus

“I desire you when reporting to share the actions of what you have done for me, with me, but also thoughts and feelings… again… more is always better. I want you not to censor yourself just on the assumption I don’t want to know something. If you feel it, think it… whatever… share with me.

I want an active and appropriate attempt on your part to make contact with me when you are able. If I am on and you are on the Academy or IM you will provide me the courtesy of making contact. I don't want to chase you. And on that same train of thought, if I am not on and you are thinking of me, or have a thought to share or something you have done I like emails and such to show me what you are thinking and when. There is no minimum or maximum I am expecting, but for this to be a worthy thing for me I need contact.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the third day I focused on paragraphs five and six of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to give myself 10 smacks on various parts of my body at a different place each time for each 100 words I wrote. I stopped each time after having written 100 words and administered the smacks. In total I wrote 579 words and so was required to give myself 10 smacks on five separate occasions, on five different parts of my body while writing this response. The first 10 I administered to my left ass cheek, the second 10 to my right inner thigh, the third set of 10 to my cock and balls, the fourth set to my upper back and the final 10 smacks were administered to the back of my left leg. A wooden spoon was the implement used. While painful I found the experience both erotic and meaningful as I accepted the pain for you.

What I take from what you communicated in the first paragraph is that while of course you want to know about the mechanics of my performance on assignments we share, what you are vitally interested is the feelings and the meanings that the experiences provoke for me. I think what you mean in the second paragraph is that you want to feel that I desire you, that our relationship is important enough to me that I don’t just tell you, but show you in tangible ways that you are an important part of my life and that I value my relationship with you in real ways.

I think you are interested in my feelings and in what I find meaningful because it helps you to know me; to understand my needs, wants and desires and to understand me both as a person and as a submissive man. Many times you have shared with me in the past that you find the greatest meaning in sharing things with others when you come to see that they found the experiences meaningful. With regards to the communication points, I think you require this because you wish to feel and you wish to know I feel, that our relationship is a real, breathing evolving thing and not just some pointless online role playing activity. Showing rather than simply telling you that I value you and what you bring to a relationship helps to underscore that I value the relationship and find meaning in it.

To accomplish the first part, I need to be open with you and express not just the mechanics but the feelings I experience as we share together. With respect to communication I need to be committed to accomplishing those things you have told me you would find meaningful like offering the simple courtesy of contacting you whenever I notice you are signed on at the Academy or on IM and to send emails at those times when we can’t chat online but when I am thinking of you or thinking about something that bears on our partnership or the dynamics of the relationship we share.

I find the expectations you have shared to be reasonable and things I can and am most willing to commit myself to doing. Certainly I see this relationship as a two way street and that I have the responsibility to give to you in like kind, the same meaningful experiences that you offer me and contribute to our relationship.

Honesty

“I demand honesty.

I require and want full and complete answers at all times. In an online environment more information is always better than less.”

For the second day I am focused on paragraphs three and four. While preparing my response I chose to have my ass plugged the entire time I was writing as the encouragement.

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

You insist on fairness, sincerity and straightforwardness from me. You justly claim your right that I never lie to you or attempt to mislead or deceive you about my thoughts or feelings. I think honesty also implies that I not say what I think you want to hear but what I am actually thinking or feeling. You expect honesty from me both of mind and deed.

You demand honesty from me because it is clear that honesty is vital to the health of all relationships. Mutual trust, openness, and understanding are the key contributors to feelings of friendship and intimacy. Conversely it is very hard to be in a relationship with a person who distorts or withholds information critical to that relationship.

To accomplish what you expect from me in the way of honesty I will be open and transparent and not hide my feelings from you. I will share with you my needs, desires, problems and conflicts. Simply I will accept you into my life in its entirety and not in measured parts. I will never claim to have performed something if I have not or exaggerate the facts of what was accomplished. I will not attempt to minimize my failures but will be candid at all times.

I definitely am in complete agreement with your expectations for honesty in our relationship. Honesty is always critically important to the success of any relationship and given the nature of our relationship, it must be an imperative because for all practical purposes, it forms the foundation of out relationship. I believe myself to be honest and believe I can offer that to you. I expect honesty from others and I should never ask that which I am unwilling to give in return.

Fundamental Issues

"I want to learn and grow together, both in a D/s sense and as people. Through the exchange of ideas, actions and communication about all aspects of what we will share as I offer and you offer... as I take and you give and as I give to you and you take from me.

I will respect your real life and expect and demand for you to make that a priority, both in respect to your family and your job. I expect you to communicate fully any issues as they come up immediately if something I have asked, or we are sharing is creating a conflict with either family or job that can not be overcome, the small issues and the large."

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

For this first day, I chose to begin with the first two paragraphs of your Wants and Desires and will continue taking the paragraphs, two by two, in order as I work through this assignment. My understanding of what you have communicated in these two paragraphs is that you want reality in our relationship, not simply a caricature of a relationship; real thoughts, feelings, ideas and experiences. You wish us to share not only the lifestyle but life. You have communicated that you expect me to make you and our relationship a priority but have also pledged that you will also maintain a distinction between fantasy and reality by not expecting me make my work and family a lower priority with respect to our relationship for capricious reasons recognizing that I do in fact have responsibilities to these areas as well. But you also do expect that I will communicate with you and make you aware of conflicts as they arise when I need time to focus on matters other than our relationship. You want our relationship to remain fresh and vibrant and not to become stagnant or lacking in meaning. As a result you expect us both to be committed to growth both as individuals as well as a couple.

You ask these things of me because you are unwilling to settle for pretense. The challenges of our geographical separation do not mean we should give less to this relationship than we would be willing to do if we were able to see and be with each other all the time. You expect me to give the same efforts and attention because this relationship, like all relationships is a living thing and must be nurtured and nourished if it is to flourish and be meaningful.

Things I can do to accomplish the goals you have set include things like making the effort to be in contact with you daily, whether by email, chat or phone. Keeping you informed about what is going on in my life and sharing with you beyond simply lifestyle matters and issues. Being willing to explore new ideas and activities even if I might find them intimidating and sharing openly with you my own perceived needs and desires so that we can grow as individuals and as partners.

I feel that you have expressed rational wants and desires, needful things, and that each issue you touched on are things that are necessary ingredients to a successful and lasting relationship. I am agreeable to them and pledge to accomplish them.

You may expect that I will do my utmost to accomplish the goals you have set and do my part to contribute to the success of our partnership. I will give the best of my talents and abilities towards achieving the worthy ends you propose and to meet your wants and desires.

While accomplishing this first day of the assignment, I chose to do the "You will stroke yourself to edge immediately before beginning to write and additionally for each 200 words you write, stopping each time you reach those 200 words" encouragement. I began by stroking my cock until I had achieved an edge and then began to write my response to the first two paragraphs. After the first 200 words, I stopped writing and stroked my cock until I had offered a second edge. I then continued to write until I had written another 200 words at which point i stopped and performed a third edge. A total of three edges were performed as I completed the essay after the third edge with forty-one additional words. I hope you are pleased with my efforts for the first day of this assignment.