Communication is Key

“Communication is the key... and in all ways I demand that of you the most.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the final day of this eight day assignment, I reflected on the fifteenth and final paragraph you shared with your Wants and Desires. While writing my thoughts and response I chose as the encouragement to give myself 10 smacks on different parts of my body for each 100 words written, stopping each time I reached 100 words and administering the smacks. My response required 352 words so I stopped three times while writing. The first time I administered 10 smacks to my cock and balls. The second time I administered 10 smacks to my ass, five to each cheek. The third and final time I administered 10 smacks to my inner thighs, five to the left and five to the right. The words where I stopped to administer the smacks are in red. Accepting pain for you is submissively and erotically significant for me. It makes me feel my submission and enhances my feelings of the sexual. My cock was made hard by completing this encouragement and I felt aroused.

You consider communication the most important aspect of this and by inference, I think what you mean is not just communication, but open, honest and ongoing exchanges of thoughts, feelings, and ideas. Only by communicating in this way will it be useful and effective to achieving our shared goals.

I think you have expressed this because it is important. Communication and relationships are inseparably connected. You can't have a relationship with someone without communicating with them. What we say and do, and how we say and do it, directly shapes how people experience us. In fact, many times, the opinions people form about us are based on the way we communicate.

I am in agreement with your expectations for the establishment and maintenance of effective communications. Communication is the key to having a functional relationship. Because our ideas and interests are transmitted to other people through the way we communicate, we're more apt to get our needs met if we are effective communicators. The problem is that often we think we're communicating one thing but are actually communicating something quite different, or we're communicating so poorly that the other person doesn’t quite understand what is we're trying to say. So of course, effective communication is required not just communication per se.

To accomplish your expectations with regard to effective communication, I will do my best to avoid ineffective communication. I will be direct and to-the-point, leaving no doubt as to my meaning or purpose. I will be assertive in the sense of not being afraid to state what it is I want and why. I will keep my communication with you congenial, affable and friendly. I will try to keep any underlying issues clear. I will be open and harbor no intentionally hidden messages or meaning. I will verbalize my thoughts and feelings since words are used to clearly express ideas. I will practice balance communication, devoting equal amounts of time to listening and talking. I will be responsive and give attention to your needs and perspective as you communicate with me. I will communicate honestly my true feelings, thoughts, and needs.

Behaving Responsibly

“I want you to tell me if you want something. I don’t consider this topping. I like to know what you desire, what you want. Obviously there is a difference between expressing your desires and begging… and while I may or may not give it to you, allow you to, right that moment all things you think of… I want you to express in someway all you do desire, fantasize about or think would be interesting to try. Whether that means a weekly/daily list of naughty ideas or some other way I want this from you… on an ongoing basis. It turns me on to have you turned on and sharing those ideas is necessary.

I require you to fulfill your commitments to me timely and should there be some real life issue that prevents that for you, I expect you to fully communicate that issue and find a resolution as is practical.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, day four I responded to paragraphs seven and eight of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to be naked and hard the entire time I was writing. Actually I was feeling very aroused and horny today since it has been a good long time since I have been allowed to orgasm. It took only a few moments of stimulation to make my cock completely hard. As I focused on the writing I had to stop from time to time and stroke my cock whenever my erection began to subside but I did accomplish maintaining my erection until completing the response for today.

In the first paragraph I believe you were communicating a couple of things. First, that you are interested in hearing my expectations and about the activities I want to share with you. No one is a mind reader of course so unless I am willing to be open with you and share the things I find meaningful and arousing you have no way of knowing how to most effectively dominate me. Secondly, I feel you were telling me that while it is acceptable to communicate my desires and self perceived needs to you, you may not always agree to address them immediately or at all and should you decide not to offer something I ask for, you expect me to accept your decision without whining or begging.

Your second paragraph I think is simply a reminder to me that you expect me to behave responsibly. You expect me to complete all assignments in a timely manner and by established due dates unless there is a reasonable circumstance that prevents me from doing so. In those instances you expect me to communicate any circumstances to you as soon as I become aware of them which might prevent me from completing an assignment on time.

To communicate my needs and wants, I think the suggestion you offered about providing periodic lists of naughty thoughts and ideas I have would be one good way of accomplishing that. Also, sharing with you my fantasies I think would be a good way of providing you the insight you are asking for into what types of things appeal to me and produce sexual arousal or meaningful feelings of submission. As far as the responsibility issue, I will commit myself to the timely performance of your assignments or should anything come up to prevent me from completing something on time, I will communicate the circumstances to you in advance of established due dates.

Again today, I find the expectations you expressed in these two paragraphs to be very reasonable and I also agree they are needful if we are to find meaning in sharing together. I will endeavor to meet these expectations to the best of my abilities.

Feelings and Focus

“I desire you when reporting to share the actions of what you have done for me, with me, but also thoughts and feelings… again… more is always better. I want you not to censor yourself just on the assumption I don’t want to know something. If you feel it, think it… whatever… share with me.

I want an active and appropriate attempt on your part to make contact with me when you are able. If I am on and you are on the Academy or IM you will provide me the courtesy of making contact. I don't want to chase you. And on that same train of thought, if I am not on and you are thinking of me, or have a thought to share or something you have done I like emails and such to show me what you are thinking and when. There is no minimum or maximum I am expecting, but for this to be a worthy thing for me I need contact.”

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

On this, the third day I focused on paragraphs five and six of your Wants and Desires. While preparing my response I chose as the encouragement to give myself 10 smacks on various parts of my body at a different place each time for each 100 words I wrote. I stopped each time after having written 100 words and administered the smacks. In total I wrote 579 words and so was required to give myself 10 smacks on five separate occasions, on five different parts of my body while writing this response. The first 10 I administered to my left ass cheek, the second 10 to my right inner thigh, the third set of 10 to my cock and balls, the fourth set to my upper back and the final 10 smacks were administered to the back of my left leg. A wooden spoon was the implement used. While painful I found the experience both erotic and meaningful as I accepted the pain for you.

What I take from what you communicated in the first paragraph is that while of course you want to know about the mechanics of my performance on assignments we share, what you are vitally interested is the feelings and the meanings that the experiences provoke for me. I think what you mean in the second paragraph is that you want to feel that I desire you, that our relationship is important enough to me that I don’t just tell you, but show you in tangible ways that you are an important part of my life and that I value my relationship with you in real ways.

I think you are interested in my feelings and in what I find meaningful because it helps you to know me; to understand my needs, wants and desires and to understand me both as a person and as a submissive man. Many times you have shared with me in the past that you find the greatest meaning in sharing things with others when you come to see that they found the experiences meaningful. With regards to the communication points, I think you require this because you wish to feel and you wish to know I feel, that our relationship is a real, breathing evolving thing and not just some pointless online role playing activity. Showing rather than simply telling you that I value you and what you bring to a relationship helps to underscore that I value the relationship and find meaning in it.

To accomplish the first part, I need to be open with you and express not just the mechanics but the feelings I experience as we share together. With respect to communication I need to be committed to accomplishing those things you have told me you would find meaningful like offering the simple courtesy of contacting you whenever I notice you are signed on at the Academy or on IM and to send emails at those times when we can’t chat online but when I am thinking of you or thinking about something that bears on our partnership or the dynamics of the relationship we share.

I find the expectations you have shared to be reasonable and things I can and am most willing to commit myself to doing. Certainly I see this relationship as a two way street and that I have the responsibility to give to you in like kind, the same meaningful experiences that you offer me and contribute to our relationship.

Fundamental Issues

"I want to learn and grow together, both in a D/s sense and as people. Through the exchange of ideas, actions and communication about all aspects of what we will share as I offer and you offer... as I take and you give and as I give to you and you take from me.

I will respect your real life and expect and demand for you to make that a priority, both in respect to your family and your job. I expect you to communicate fully any issues as they come up immediately if something I have asked, or we are sharing is creating a conflict with either family or job that can not be overcome, the small issues and the large."

Source: Wants and Desires by Miss Laura

For this first day, I chose to begin with the first two paragraphs of your Wants and Desires and will continue taking the paragraphs, two by two, in order as I work through this assignment. My understanding of what you have communicated in these two paragraphs is that you want reality in our relationship, not simply a caricature of a relationship; real thoughts, feelings, ideas and experiences. You wish us to share not only the lifestyle but life. You have communicated that you expect me to make you and our relationship a priority but have also pledged that you will also maintain a distinction between fantasy and reality by not expecting me make my work and family a lower priority with respect to our relationship for capricious reasons recognizing that I do in fact have responsibilities to these areas as well. But you also do expect that I will communicate with you and make you aware of conflicts as they arise when I need time to focus on matters other than our relationship. You want our relationship to remain fresh and vibrant and not to become stagnant or lacking in meaning. As a result you expect us both to be committed to growth both as individuals as well as a couple.

You ask these things of me because you are unwilling to settle for pretense. The challenges of our geographical separation do not mean we should give less to this relationship than we would be willing to do if we were able to see and be with each other all the time. You expect me to give the same efforts and attention because this relationship, like all relationships is a living thing and must be nurtured and nourished if it is to flourish and be meaningful.

Things I can do to accomplish the goals you have set include things like making the effort to be in contact with you daily, whether by email, chat or phone. Keeping you informed about what is going on in my life and sharing with you beyond simply lifestyle matters and issues. Being willing to explore new ideas and activities even if I might find them intimidating and sharing openly with you my own perceived needs and desires so that we can grow as individuals and as partners.

I feel that you have expressed rational wants and desires, needful things, and that each issue you touched on are things that are necessary ingredients to a successful and lasting relationship. I am agreeable to them and pledge to accomplish them.

You may expect that I will do my utmost to accomplish the goals you have set and do my part to contribute to the success of our partnership. I will give the best of my talents and abilities towards achieving the worthy ends you propose and to meet your wants and desires.

While accomplishing this first day of the assignment, I chose to do the "You will stroke yourself to edge immediately before beginning to write and additionally for each 200 words you write, stopping each time you reach those 200 words" encouragement. I began by stroking my cock until I had achieved an edge and then began to write my response to the first two paragraphs. After the first 200 words, I stopped writing and stroked my cock until I had offered a second edge. I then continued to write until I had written another 200 words at which point i stopped and performed a third edge. A total of three edges were performed as I completed the essay after the third edge with forty-one additional words. I hope you are pleased with my efforts for the first day of this assignment.